[I'd like to preface this post by saying that I love my parents more than I can possibly say and I am eternally grateful for the many sacrifices they have made and endless support they give me on a daily basis, despite the fact that I was (and often still am) a raging bitch and I live half a world away. Mom & Dad, thanks so much! You guys are the best! I love you!]
First and foremost, let me say that there has been a small handful of people recently questioning my ability to always be right. For lack of a better turn of phrase, BOO-YAH. I know that’s mean to say to people who might suffer from mental disabilities or bouts of delusion, but… well, frankly, my dear I don’t give a damn.
You might be asking yourself what I’m so right about this time. Well, let me tell you! Recently, the New York Times published the results of several surveys all focusing on one thing: if having children actually improves the overall quality of your life. The verdict:
Using data sets from Europe and America, numerous scholars have found some evidence that, on aggregate, parents often report statistically significantly lower levels of happiness (Alesina et al., 2004), life satisfaction (Di Tella et al., 2003), marital satisfaction (Twenge et al., 2003) and mental well-being (Clark & Oswald, 2002) compared with non-parents.
Well, yeah, you might think. But after your children are all grown up and you send them out into the world and see the person you’ve helped them become… well, there’s nothing more fulfilling than that, right? WRONG!
There is also evidence that the strains associated with parenthood are not only limited to the period during which children are physically and economically dependent. For example, Glenn and McLanahan (1981) found those older parents whose children have left home report the same or slightly less happiness than non-parents of similar age and status. Thus, what these results are suggesting is something very controversial — that having children does not bring joy to our lives.
Intrigued by this scientific study that proves what I’ve been advocating for quite some time, I couldn’t wait to read the comments. Here’s just a few of my personal favorites:
I’m a better person for becoming a mom, even if I’m not any happier. -Crimson Wife
Yeah… that sounds like you’re trying too hard to rationalize it. And Crimson Wife? Did you get the Scarlet Letter?
If anything, I think what this maybe shows is that happiness isn’t everything. –pierce moffet
pierce’s four-year-old is wailing in the background because the doll of her barbie popped off when she pulled it off. he was too busy trying to finish his groundbreakingly trite comment while shutting her up to capitalize his name.
I had a long, long list of reasons why I didn’t want a child. The epiphany arrived when I finally realized that the main (perhaps only) reason why I didn’t want to try was because I was scared… I knew it is very difficult to care for a baby, to raise a child, to deal with a teenager. – Tipplington
Tipplington’s child is only two. Wait until the child becomes a teenager and resents her for passing on the last name of “Tipplington”. It’s gonna get ugly.
I think it’s the biological imperative to reproduce. — Alex
I think it’s narcissism at it’s finest. And quite frankly, the thought of a miniature Jamie running around is enough to give me night terrors. I tell ya, I was straight up evil!
I look back on my non-kid days and wonder, as you ask, why on earth anyone has kids. — Annie B.
Oh, Annie B. I love that you’re secure enough in your parental disappointment that you throw caution to the wind and invite the scores of other parents who are in denial to pounce on you like the Republicans do on Michelle Obama’s arms. Soldier on, brave woman!
Feel free to use this blog post to rub in my hypocritical face should I ever get hitched and start popping out babies like one of those t-shirt cannons at a college basketball game. And while you’re holding your breath for that to happen, check out my new favorite comedian, Louis C.K., on his incredibly un-PC and hilarious parental experiences.
5 Comments
April 2, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Jamie…when I finally get my late-night show, you’re going to be my head writer. Gold. Pure GOLD!
April 2, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I had a dream two nights ago that I adopted a Chinese boy. I really, really liked him for those 20 minutes, but the dream didn’t entail any diaper changing or crying, so I’m not sure I should base any future plans off said dream.
April 5, 2009 at 10:55 am
I whole-heartedly agree with you, James! Ben and I think that not only would we make crappy parents and don’t want to deal with all the shit that parenting brings, but also that it is so horribly cruel to tell a child that is already alive without a family that they can go starve to death because you would rather create a new life with your superior genes.
Maybe some time in the future when we are financially secure and have already roved the world we will look into adoption or fostering. In the mean time, we give each other daily high-fives for taking advantage of the free vasectomies that our state offers. =D
April 6, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Dearest Jamie,
Parenting unfortunately does not come with a manual and this is where the problem lies. When we (as potential parents) decide to have a child, you only want the best for it but to get from point A to point B is fraught with potholes and endless problems that
1) You could examine the way your parents handled it (usually a bad move unless your folks were June and Ward Cleaver) or
2) try to re-define what you have been able to grasp from a occasionally chaotic childhood and make changes for the better.
A parent should never second guess but make an informed decision the first go-around and live with it – good or bad.
Thanks for giving ‘props’ to your parents, they have tried to do the best for you and Mag and will continue to do so. You should be very proud of them, as they are of you and your sister.
All my love, Aunt Mart!
September 24, 2009 at 4:43 pm
When the hell are they coming out with the male contraceptive pill. Screw this, I’m getting a vasectomy. Although I think in India that’s just a kick to the balls from a steelcapped boot. I’d better get drunk first.